Now that I have your attention, hello!

Tomorrow is Midsummers eve, which is a pagan ritual that was introduced to us by Germany around 1300. Now that we’ve established where it originated, let me tell you a bit about it.

Each year, us Swedes are invited or hosting a Midsummer party. Now when it comes to our particular crew, partying always means drinking to the point of nonexistence. However, tradition calls for us to dress up an upside down phallus that is dug into the earth in flowers. It’s a symbol for fertility and it is commonly known where most people plant a bun in the oven. There is alcohol involved, so females are more willing to actually breed with the a typical Swedish Midsummer male.

I mean seriously, would you spread your legs for this if you were sober? I thought so.. 

Any who, it starts with erecting the midsummer pole. It’s your basic cross design except that you can see that it contains two big circles that I like to refer to as “the balls”. Earlier in the day, parents bring their children to dance around the “pole”, dressed in folk dress while singing the following tune. Yes, it is real, it’s to ridiculous to make up.

Roughly translated:

Small frogs, small frogs are funny to look at. Small frogs, small frogs are funny to look at. No ears no ears nor tails do they have. No ears no ears nor tails do they have. The you sing the same tune and the same words, but just witch out the word “frog” to “pig”.

While the children sing this illogical tune, they also do a dance that is as bizarre as the song itself. They skip like frogs and put their hands to their ears symbolizing ears and then put their hands on their tooshies, creating a tail.

Now this is PRIOR to the alcohol!

When the children get sent home, the adults do the same dance, but by this hour, increasingly drunk. Now let me tell you about the food. We eat pickled herring and potatoes. While eating and drinking, we sing this song:

 The Whole goes

The whole goes, sing hopp-father-allan-lallan-ley

The whole goes, sing hopp-father-allan-lallan-ley

And he who will not take the whole

He´ll miss the chance to take the half

The whole goes….. (drink the snaps)

sing hopp-father-allan-lallan-ley

The best depiction, is actually a banned commercial made by IKEA. I’ll do you a favor and post it right here. Look at it, you know you want to.

So from all of us, to all of you. 

Happy male genitalia worshiping drunken fish eaters day!